Hey look up, you don’t have to be a ghost here amongst the living. You are flesh and blood, you deserve to be loved and you deserve what you are given.
A few lines from Third Eye by Florence + The Machine that I remind myself of everyone now again when I find myself feeling a bit worthless, as if I’m just existing but not living, not valued. If you ever feel like that too, remember that you’re alive and here and deserved to be loved and find happiness as much as everyone else on earth. 🙂
Today is known as Founder’s Day in the Scouting movement as it’s the birthday of Lord Baden-Powell, founder of Scouting. 2017 also marks 110 years of Scouting! So I thought I’d talk a bit about what Scouting means to me. 🙂
I started scouting in 2007 when I joined Cubs, and left scouting last September as I couldn’t keep up with it as well as starting a-levels, so in total I’ve spent 8 years of my life in Scouts and what an amazing time that’s been!
One of the most prominent things that comes to mind when thinking about Scouting and what it means to me and for all the millions of other scouts around the world is the word ‘discovery’.
Obviously, scouting provides a doorway through which we can have access to the outdoor world and explore more about the place where we live but alongside that, it gives young people a safe environment in which to discover ourselves; who we are and how we fit in with the world and society.
That’s something that I’ve really valued throughout my time in Scouting, because the inclusive atmosphere at my local scout group made feel comfortable enough to be myself and develop as an individual and I’m really grateful that I had this opportunity growing up. It’s definitely helped to shape me as a person and taught me invaluable skills such as communication and respect which are often lost in the hustle-bustle of modern society. Most importantly, it’s given me a more positive outlook on life as I know that even if I’m faced with challenges that seem impossible, there is always away to get through them with perseverance and hard work.
Despite being a girl in a scouting movement that is predominantly – but not exclusively – made up of boys, during my time in scouts I didn’t once feel that I couldn’t – or shouldn’t – do something just because of my gender. The opportunities and experiences scouting gave me were some of the best of my life – from attending Gilwell 24 and being surrounded by thousands of other scouts from around the UK and further a field to hiking up mountains in Austria and volunteering as a Young Leader and helping other young people get the most out of their time in Scouting. However I know that young people in other countries may not have the chance to experience this so I’d like to say that I hope that as the scouting movement grows, it will help young people in countries where society is not equal or inclusive to have some of the experiences I’ve had and be given equal opportunities to discover the world around them and develop as young people, regardless of gender, religion, race or sexual orientation.
Although I am not currently a member of the scouting movement, I will never forget what it means to me and one day hope to get back into scouting and help young people get the most out of the wonderful association that I love.
OKay. So. I don’t know where tihs post is going to go, tbh I’m just sort of rambling aimlessly because I’m having ALL THE THOUGHTS about EVERYTHING and like, I just need to write?? Idk.
I keep thinking about how as teenagers, we’re constantly changing as we grow up anf from day to day, as we learn more and experience more, we become “new” people, constantly updating ourselves as it were. Reading back through some of my older blog posts made me realise how much I’ve changed since then, and thinking back I can remember myself writing those words and how I felt at the time, which sounds kind of weird but yeah (I would say there’s a point to this but there really isn’t so..just bear with I guess?).
It does make me a bit sad thinking about who I used to be, but then at the same time, I’m proud of how much I’ve grown up, who I was then, who I am now and who I will become. I’m looking forward to a point in a few months or years or so when I’ll think back to now and feel all sentimental about the weird teenager I am now.
I seem to spend most of my time worrying about the future, what with the mess that politics is becoming and the looming threat of irreversible climate change which sits on our shoulders, gradually pressing down on us, not to mention my uncertainty and indecisiveness about what I want to do in the future and at uni and just EVERYTHING. But I guess it’s nice to have something to look forward to, and I do look forward to learning more about the world, trying out new things and gradually connecting more things to the person I am now (that was really badly explained, appologies, I just..don’t really know how to put it in to words!).
I love when I wake up and it’s sunny and the sky is actually blue, it makes me crave adventure and I just want to run outside and just go and explore the world. Today is one of those days I guess! And that’s kind of what lead me to writing this I guess, because that longing for adventure reminds me of past me’s, something that ties who I am now to all the other past versions of me there have been. It’s nice, because I’ve sort of lost my sense of adventure over the past few months because my minds been in other places (*cough cough* A LEVELS) but now it’s back, and I feel more “me” than I have in a while, and it feels like home. Even though I probably won’t go out and do anything mildly adventurous today – although cycling is pretty tempting – I’ve started dreaming of future adventures again, which I love doing.
I’ve also got a few “adventures” planned for the next few months – I’m going to take the train down to see my sister at university in a few weeks, even though I have to get up at 6:30am to make the train, and won’t get home until after 10pm (I have to get up at 6:30am for college the next as well, rip the six hours of lessons I have that day), I’m really looking forward to it! It will be refreshing to get out of town and the train journeys nearly 4 hours long so it will be nice to sit back and enjoy the scenery! Then later on in the month, we’re going down in the car to pick my sister up from uni for easter, but we’re going to spend the day there before we leave and explore the city more, because although I’ve visited a few times, we’ve been too busy with uni stuff to explore much of the area.
Something else I really want to do, but probably won’t get round to doing, is to go somewhere new on the bus because my college bus pass means I can travel for free around my county and into neighbouring counties and considering I have two days off a week, it seems silly not to take advantage of this! My only problem is, me going to a new place by myself is a daunting thought. I mean, despite my love of exploring the great outdoors, I have a terrible sense of direction and time, so I’d probably end up missing the last bus home or something and being stranded! But we shall see, the days are longer now, so it makes it easier to go out somewheere for the day without being stuck in a new place in the dark.
Ooh another thing I want to do, but also probably won’t get round to, is do a cycling/camping holiday because I REALLY love cycling and camping and it would be so cool to travel around by bike and see new places. I don’t know if I’ll be logistically able to though, but I’ve been doing some research and planning so maybe at some point in the future I’ll be able to do it.
Well, I think I’l have to conclude this ramble here, as I need to go off and do my French homework now.
It feels like only yesterday I typed my first post on this blog – Adventures of a Lost Teen – but in actual fact, it’s been a year! The 1st blogiversary of this blog means that I’ve been blogging in total for nearly two years, as I started my previous blog back in March 2015 (so long ago eeek!)
Blogging for me is a lot like playing Scrabble (bear with, this analogy is going somewhere…I hope??). I try to fit letters and words together in the hope that they make sense. A lot of the time I have lots of ideas that I want to write and share, but can’t find the words to express them! Which also happens to me a lot during Scrabble – I never end up with the letters I need. But I think blogging (and Scrabble) has made me realise that we don’t always get what we need handed to us, and we have to make do with and appreciate what we’ve got. And I’m very grateful to have this space to share my thought and ramblings, even if it is sometimes frustrating that I can’t put my thoughts in coherent sentences.
I don’t know what I expected to get out of bloggng when I first clicked onto WordPress and typed my first blog post, so I can certainly say I’ve gained more than I could ever imagine from blogging – I’ve learnt so much more about the world through the diversity of the blogosphere, I’ve been welcomed into an amazing community and gained friends who mean the world to me, and I’ve also discovered more about myself through my writing.
So thank you all for supporting me in my blogging journey throughout the year and for welcoming me into the blogging community 😊💞
I wish I could say these words were my own – they are so pure and inspiring and full of a wisdom which I do not possess. In fact, they are taken from the introduction and ending of the episode of Call the Midwife that aired on the BBC on Sunday. When I heard them, they resonated with me and gave me hope to cling onto and the reassurance I need to perservere and stay on my path through life. I thought I’d share them with you, incase you’re feeling a little lost and need to be guided on your way.
Each life is a journey, defined by the turns we take and the roads we choose or which fate chooses for us.
Some travel geographically, trading home for home and one language for another.
But we all move from youth to maturity, childhood to parenthood, as if we were traversing continents.
The world shifts and the climate alters.
Safe passage cannot be bought and we have no holy passport to protect us.
Sometimes there is no map for the road we find ourselves upon.
It lies ahead, uncharted, unfurling into mist.
We are all travelling through one another’s countries.
But it is no matter if we meet as strangers, for we can join forces and learn to love.
And where there is friendship and affection, there is the place we can all call home.
Yesterday I visited my nan and something she said sparked off a whole chain of thoughts in my mind about emotions and interactions between our minds and our hearts and just about life in general (nan-spiration at it’s finest 👌). We were discussing ageing – or rather the feeling of ageing – when my nan mentioned that although her body feels old, her brain still feels active and young and just…not aged. Being a young person myself, it’s never something I really considered myself, the brain not ‘ageing’. Obviously, as the brain is part of our body it does age, but the mind itself ages differently.
Whilst our bodies age in years, and as time goes on, we can notice physical changes to our bodies capabilities, our brains age in intangible units: memories, knowledge, attitudes, opinions etc. Our minds are maps of our pasts, guides to our presents and stepping stones to our futures. What lies within cannot be determined by a numerical value of days, months or years, cannot be given an ‘age’.
This got me thinking about the relationship between the heart and the brain, not in a scientifically way as such, because my brain isn’t scientifically inclined, but more in a sort of philosophical way. About how the mind and the heart act equally and simultaneously as anchors to our roots and values and as sails, leading us off in different directions, wherever the heart, or mind, chooses.
Sometimes, when our hearts are full of emotion, of love and happiness, we become lighter than air, propelled along by this force like a sail billowing in the wind. Suddenly the horizon is in plain view; we know how to get where we want to be and have optimism for what lies ahead.
Other times, our feelings may be clouded with sadness and sorrow, knocking the wind out of us as it were and we become disorientated. When the wind drops, there is nothing to propel the boat along. We can’t see the way forward because the ‘now’ is obscuring our view. But, just as quickly as the wind drops, it can pick up again and we can get back on track with our lives. Emotions are very fluctuating, especially as a teen, and although this may seem a nuisance, it’s just part of life and it’s important to remember that just like the boat out at sea, our feelings are not trapped in one state and will change, just as the tides do.
Just as the heart can be described as the sail of our lives, leading us off down the various routes of life and carry us over calm and stormy seas, the mind can be seen as the anchor, tethering us to our core beliefs and values yet allowing us to venture safely into the realms of our hopes and dreams. Our minds hold all of our memories after all, everything we’ve ever done, thought and been. Like the archives of our lives, something we know, something true and something we can hold onto. Sometimes, our minds can not allow us to drift as much as we want to and restrict the power of our hearts too much, but that’s only because they remember the outcomes of all our actions and want to protect our hearts and emotions from suffering. But also, our minds can be the driving force behind our hearts. All our hopes and dreams, all the knowledge we learn everyday,can inspire us and propel us on through life.
So it can be said, that the heart and the mind work in conjunction with each other, like the anchor and the sail of a boat. They both contrast and compliment each other to guide us through our lives. Without each other, they would be left to flounder in the open sea and although they may sometimes disagree with each other, we’d really be lost without them.
(Disclaimer: I don’t really know anything about boats or sailing so might not be qualified to make a boat analogy but this is just for metaphorical purposes and the imaginative part of my brain was on a roll so I didn’t exactly want to stop it! Also I feel like my writing style has changed recently? Might be because I haven’t really written imaginatively in a while, but hopefully it’s interesting to read! I’m trying to get back into blogging again because I’ve really missed it and I don’t really have an explanation to why I’ve been writing so intermittently lately. Anyway thank you for reading ☺)
Do you ever just think of the world around you, of the people living, breathing, thriving, on the many continents of the earth and the sounds and sights and smells they are experiencing, and just be in awe of everything? Of how everything came to be and how much there is out there that you have not yet seen, or may never see? Or when you look at the sky and your gaze travels for miles and miles, seeing sky that stretches over other segments of the earth and adorns world’s viewed by different eyes, do you feel the rush to run and explore and see?
It’s the pull of adventure and exploration. It’s hard to put into words – I could write a thousand and still not do justice to it – but when you feel it, you feel it. It makes me feel alive and free, as if anything is possible. And it is – there’s a whole world of possibility waiting at our fingertips. This world is extraordinary.
And it’s waiting for us to explore it.
Today I went to my old scout hut – I haven’t been back since I left in September. I grew up there and have many amazing memories of the place and the adventures that scouting brought me, and however stupid it sounds, the very smell of the building and the feeling of the floor under my feet reignited all those years of memories and the yearning to explore. The urge to just
j u m p
And leap into the unknown was almost overpowering.
I know that wherever I travel on this earth,the spruit if adventure will always be with me. It’s part of me; it runs through my veins, drawing me to the world like a gravitational pull. And maybe I’ll never find somewhere where I belong, because I belong to the world and the world is my home, and the home of the billions of other people on my planet. I can’t be tethered to one place for too long, I need to fly and soar and explore. But that’s okay because no matter where I go or who I become or what I do in life, deep down, I’ll always be me.