//A not-so-happy ending?//

I really, really wanted to write a “its-the-end-of-the-acedemic-year-let’s-look-back-on-all-the-positive-things-that-have-happened” post, considering next Thursday I will receive my mock A Level exam results and it’ll be the end of term – aside from a few days of UCAS/univeristy application stuff, but the truth is I don’t feel happy, or relieved, or stress-free. If anything, I sort of feel kind of numb. I think with the hustle and bustle of the exam period, it’s easy to get caught up in things and distract yourself from how your emotions with the insurmountable workload that A Level revision encompasses, however since the exam week (a.k.a. last week), I’ve had more time to pay attention to my emotions and I guess you could say they’ve hit me in a sort of “wave”.

Now that the exams are over and I don’t have to worry about revising countless lists of French vocabulary or learning the order of British 20th Century Prime Ministers, my mind has found the time to start fretting over other things. One thing I’m really worried about is going on a college tip to France in two weeks. Although I am very excited, I’m also so worried that I’ll end up not enjoying the trip because I a) won’t be able to cope with the heat in Marseille, b) will panic when trying to speak French to native speakers and c) will be left out because there are only five other people going on the trip – collectively a trio and pair of best friends. I feel like I’ll just be left out of the group and be that person that no one really talks to and just tolerates because they have to, and honestly I’m becoming so irrationally paranoid about how hot it’s going to be that it’s driving me mad.

Secondly, I’m actually really not looking forward to breaking up for summer. I’ve already drifted apart from loads of my friends this year, and I feel like because they aren’t forced to put up with my on a daily basis at college, they’ll all just forget about me and I won’t see any of them throughout the summer. I do have a group of friends that I am closer with and meet up with every now and then, but they’ve all recently got into relationships and even now I hardly see them or talk to them because they’re preoccupied with their boyfriends/girlfriends, so who knows what it’ll be like over summer. I keep having those days lately where I feel like my friends don’t actually care about me and would much rather that I wasn’t part of the “group” (or rather my brain keeps telling me to feel this way). I’m sort of fed up of every time when someone says hi to me or talks to me my brain telling me “oh they don’t like you really they’re just doing that so as not to seem rude” or “everyone talks about you behind your back” etc. I guess I’m just feeling kinda lonely as even my closest friends don’t spend as much time with me or talking to me as they used to as they’d rather send their time with other people. I’m just worried that I’ll become isolated over the summer which will NOT be fun.

Then recently I keep being really hard on myself, like today in French I kept thinking “there’s no way you’ll be able to do French at uni if you can’t even say a few words in class” and I’ve just become really doubtful of my ability to do anything. It’s not that I don’t want to speak up in class more – and not just in French – it’s just my brain is kind of “bullying” me in the sense that everything I want to do or say, it mocks and puts me down to the point that I just don’t bother because I’m scared that everyone else will judge me the way I judge myself. ARGHHH CONFUSION.

Finally, I’ve been very sad and emotional over the past week because last Friday, my good friend returned home to Italy after completing her year of studying abroad at my college. I’m so, so sad that I might not be able to see her again, or at least for a long time, and I miss her terribly already. College isn’t the same without her around – she is such a lovely, funny, caring person – something that is rare nowadays. I know we can keep in touch over the internet, but it’s just not the same. 😦

So yeah, although I should be really excited that my first year of A Levels is over, and I can spend the summer having a well-deserved break, I’m just not. Maybe in a few weeks I’ll feel better, but right now I’m just so exhausted and not going through a great mental health stage, which isn’t really how I wanted to end the year.

I hope next week I’ll be back with a more positive post, or maybe before then, but until then have a lovely weekend guys. 🙂

 

//It’s November!!!//

Hey guys! I know I haven’t been blogging regularly for the past few months so I thought I’d just take some time to fill you in on what I’ve been up to (sounds so exciting…it’s really not lol) and what my plans for November are. 🙂

Okay, so, September and October have been very busy months for me, what with starting college and a-levels so I’ll just run you through what’s I’ve done over the past few months.

  • Started college – as I mentioned, I’ve just finished my first term and college and it has gone SO quickly. It took a while for me to get used to getting the bus everyday, going to a new place, meeting new people and being in a different environment but now I have got used to it, it’s great! I still dread going to college every Monday but that’s just because I know I’ll have a long day ahead of me and will have to work really hard to keep up (having to wake up at 6:30 am probably doesn’t help). Once I’m actually at college though, it’s not so bad. I enjoy my lessons and although I don’t get on with everyone in my classes, I have made a couple of new friends so that’s better than I expected. I could never go back to school though. Everything at college is just so…relaxed?? Idk I mean the workload is way more stressful than at school and you are expected to do everything yourself, but it is kind of nice to have more responsibility and not have to wear a school uniform.
  • School awards evening – at the beginning of October I went to a fancy awards evening for my secondary school where I received an award for academic excellence. The actual evening was okay, although I didn’t manage to speak to many of my old teachers but that doesn’t bother me too much.
  • Started drinking hot drinks (more regularly) – I’ve never really liked hot drinks, not even hot chocolate, mainly because I don’t like milk. Recently though I’ve been trying to get into drinking hot drinks more and just trying a wider variety to try to find something that I like. I went to a coffee shop with my grandma over the summer and tried a latte for the first time but I think it’s safe to say I’m just not a coffee person (it’s way too bitter). In September (I think??) before my sister went off to uni, she decided to have a hot chocolate after we came home from an evening walk so I tried one too and somewhat liked it?? Then I tried tea recently but wasn’t too keen on that, it wasn’t sweet enough, so I bought some lemon and ginger tea and I *think* I like that (I’ve only tried it twice though). Then a few weekends ago I went to a cafe with my family and had a lovely hot chocolate with cream and marshmallows which was nice. SO yeah, dunno why you’d want to hear about my adventures in trying hot drinks but there we go!
  • Tests – I’ve had end of term tests in all of my subjects now and they didn’t go too badly (I hope). I haven’t got all the results back yet but I should do by the end of this week EEEEKkk.
  • Half term! – then last week was half term meaning I had a week off of college to catch up on all the work I’d been too lazy to do during term time  relax. I managed to be a lot more social (??) than usual; I had a board games + pizza + mini-rave thing (?????) evening at a friends house on the Monday, then on the Tuesday I went to Laser Quest with a different group of friends (let’s not mention how awful me and my friend were in the pairs game) and then on the Wednesday I went to another friends house with the same group of friends as on the Monday for an Indian takeaway + movie + board games night (we just like board game k…and food lol).
  • Read The Girl On The Train – I don’t often tell you guys what I’m reading but yeah over the past few weeks I read The Girl On The Train which was v v good but also v tense and creepy at times. At first I wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to read it because, not going to lie, the ~mystery~ aspect of the book was scaring me a little and making me anxious as to what would happen but I’m glad I managed to plough through it!
  • Got Fantastic Beasts tickets!!!!!!!!!! – I AM SO EXCITED I CAN’T WAIT, 16 DAYSSSS AHHHHHHHHHH. SO yeah me and my friend decided we want to go and see the midnight screening of Fantastic Beast and Where To Find them IN 3D (can you imagine Eddie Redmayne’s face in 3d ahhhhh).

So basically what I’ve been up to over the past few months!!

November is already looking like it’s going to be a busy month too but I’m looking forward to it nonetheless! Here’s what I’m hoping to get up to (in case I end up hibernating and don’t write another post for ages):

  • NaNoWriMo – I like, last minute decided I wanted to do NaNo again this year. I haven’t even got a proper plan, I’m just sort of making my novel up as I go along. I don’t think I’m going to be able to reach 50k, although I will try my best! Last year I managed to write 43,000 words so I didn’t ‘win’ NaNo. If I can’t get to 50k this, year I’m going to keep trying until I can finish it. I was so close last year, which was annoying, but towards the end of November I went to a concert which meant getting in the car straight after school to get to said concert then coming back after midnight, sleeping mot of the next day (which happened to be my birthday) and that left me about 2 days to try to write 7000 words (which was never going to happen let’s be honest). If you’re also doing NaNo, let me know and we can add eachother as writing buddies 🙂
  • FANTASTIC BEASTS – as mentioned above, I am going to see Fantastic Beasts on 18/11.
  • My birthday – I turn 17 in a few weeks eeeeeeeek.
  • Carry on drowning in a-level work (nothing more needs to be said).
  • Do some exploring??? – I’m not sure WHERE exactly, but since I only go to college 3 days a week, I have two ‘days off’ (I end up working from 10am-5pm anyway – THERE IS NO BREAK FROM A-LEVEL WORK) where my bus pass is still valid. I can actually travel quite far with my bus pass – all around my county and into the bordering counties – so at some point I want to make the most of that and just go somewhere new for the day. The only problem is, none of my friends have their ‘days off’ on the same day as me so I’d have to go exploring by myself *cries*. I was thinking of going out today actually, but I had lots of work to do and I want to make sure I can keep on track for NaNo as much as possible.
  • Remembrance Day Parade – for the past 8 years, I’ve been part of my town’s Remembrance Day Parade on Remembrance Sunday. However, since I’ve now left Scouts, I can no longer take part. I’m actually quite excited to not take part though, because that means I get to watch the parade go by and see the service in the park from a different perspective.

I think that’s about it for this month, but I may end up doing more (or less) exciting things.

What are you looking forward to this month? What have you been up to over the past few months? I’d love to know! I miss talking to you guys and reading your blogs. Hope you’re all okay! 🙂

Update: After writing this I went for a walk and took some pictures of the sunset!

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Screen Shot 11-02-16 at 07.14 PM.PNG

 

//Sometimes I Can’t Speak//

Sometimes, I can’t speak. Sometimes, no matter how hard I try or how much I want them to, the words just can’t come out of my mouth. It’s like I have a head full of thoughts and opinions I want to express but sometimes, a lot of the time, I can’t physically get the words to come out of my mouth.

It feels like some invisible hand appears out of thin air and clamps itself around my mouth so that I can’t speak or breath or  do anything but just sit there clenching my teeth, waiting for it to let go and allow me to talk again.

I can’t stand it.

I guess it all stems down to the fear of being judged by people for what I say, the fear of saying something wrong and being humiliated. The fear of putting my opinions out there and making myself vulnerable to criticism and mockery. But when I try to speak, and I find I can’t, these fears aren’t going through my head, not like they used to. I’m not scared of talking to new people or public speaking anymore, I just. Can’t. Get. The. Words. Out.

This is probably why I come across to people as being painfully shy, when really it’s not as bad as they think. Although I still struggle to speak even around my closest friends and family, it’s not so bad as they know me, they know how to make it easier for me to join in with conversations and when to pause to allow me to talk and can tell when I want speak but am struggling to. I can cope with that. Even if they don’t understand exactly, I know they want to talk to me and will take the time to allow me to talk more freely. The problem with being an introvert, or more specifically an INFJ, means that it takes me a very long time to build up friendships with people and feel comfortable around them, or rather it takes people a long time to build up friendships with me because I don’t open up to people often and tend to retreat into myself until I know I can trust them. I suppose sometimes though I do meet people that I just instantly click with, but that is rare.

In class, however, it’s much different to talking to my friends and family. At school, you could get away with just sitting at the back of the class room and not saying much. At college, however, they expect everyone to contribute. Sometimes the tutor will ask a question to the whole class and no one will reply and I can just feel the tutors eyes burning into me like they know I know the answer (which is sometimes the case). This makes the whole hand-clamping-over-mouth thing a thousand times worse. It feels like my voice and words are being physically pushed back into my throat and locked away and with them the chances of me being able to respond to the question, whatever it may be, shrinks and shrinks and shrinks.

Sometimes, I can’t say things that I need to say, no matter how important they are, no matter who I’m saying them to. What’s more, there doesn’t really seem to be a pattern as to when I can’t speak, it just happens whenever when I’m talking to whoever about whatever.

Sometimes, I don’t realise I’ve had one of these episodes of not being able to talk until after it’s happened and I think of all the things I should have said or meant to say but couldn’t, or I just sit there wondering why the conversation ended so abruptly before realising it was because I just lost the ability to talk so the conversation just…stopped.

Perhaps I’ve always been like this, but have only noticed it over the last year or so. Perhaps I’ll always have this problem but eventually just get used to it and stop noticing it. Perhaps I just need to learn to relax more and not pull a part all my little imperfections like this. Perhaps it’s okay to not be able to talk sometimes. Perhaps I’ll never know. Perhaps sometimes I wonder about things too much. Perhaps I’m just a hopeless wonderer…

//When You Try Your Best But It’s Never Good Enough//

Hello! It’s been a while since I last found the time, and motivation, to blog but here I am still alive, drowning in work, yes, but very much still alive. 

For those of you who don’t know, I’ve just started studying a-levels at sixth form college. Everyone says the jump from GCSEs to a-levels is so big and despite being told this repetitively throughout last year, it still took me by surprise. It’s not that a-levels are much harder than GCSEs in regards to the actual content we have to learn – don’t get me wrong it is inuch greater depth than at school but it’s not that difficult that you can’t understand what you’re learning as such – it’s the fact that teachers expect so much from you that shocked me.

It’s not the homework, even though the sheer volume of it does eat up my weekends most weeks, I can cope with that. It’s everything else that I’m struggling with. Being expected to remember and recall every single bit of information you’ve learnt about so far on the spot (half the stuff I’m sure we haven’t even learnt but we are questioned on it anyway), is what’s hard. And being expected to find time to do extra research outside of class on top of all our homework. It just feels like whatever I do it’s never good enough.

I’ve spent hours and hours on homework tasks these past few weeks, using up all my energy and putting all my effort into them but still am told by my teachers that I ‘could’ve done more’. I spent most of yesterday revising for a geography test and was feeling confident that I actually knew and understood what we’ve learnt so far yet when I opened the test, I found I was unable to answer half the questions.

On top of this, I’m finding it hard to balance all of my subjects. Prior to this week, I’d been trying to spend equal time on each yet found that that meant I’ve been not quite keeping up to the teachers high standards as I hadn’t been dedicating enough time to each (there are only 24 hrs in a day and I am not a superhuman so idk what they expect from me seriously) so this week I’ve dedicated the most time to geography because of the end of topic test we had today but now I’ve started falling behind with my work in French and history! You can’t win with a-levels, you really can’t.

So I don’t know which subjects to prioritise, if any. I just want to do equally well in all three but it seems impossible to stay on top of everything. It feels like whenever I go to lesson, we learn about 2356 billion new things and I just get further and further behind. I can’t even remember what I learnt in class today because my head is just one huge cluttered mess of facts that I don’t know what to with. What’s worse is most other people seem to give off the general impression that they’re coping which just makes me feel even worse about my capabilities. Everyone seems to be able to absorb the information being thrown at them whereas my ‘knowledge absorption sponge’ is full of holes and I’m lucky if I can retain one thing after each lesson. 

So yeah my general impression of a-levels at the moment is that no matter how hard I try, it’ll never be good enough to meet the teacher’s – or my own – standards.

Anyway, are you doing a-levels? How are you getting on with school? Let me know! 🙂

//An Abundance of Change//

I’ve never really liked change that much, to tell the truth. So it’s not surprising that I’m finding all the changes in my life that are happening at the moment hard to deal with. 

As you may remember, I finished school back in June and now I have started doing my A Levels, at sixth form college. Having to go to a new college everyday that’s all the way on the otherside of town from my home and my school just doesn’t feel right yet. I’ve surprised myself in that I’ve been coping relatively well with meeting new people but what I’ve been finding hardest is not seeing my friends that I spent every day at school with for the past five years. I mean, I see some of my friends but the majority I hardly see because not only are we doing different subjects, their timetables are the reverse of mine so we are hardly in college at the same time.

Not only have my educational arrangements changed, I’ve also changed over the summer. So have my friends. We’re not the same people we were a few months back and I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or not yet. I’m kind of stuck in this phase of feeling really feminine then not feeling feminine at all which is confusing as heck and not something I thought I’d be dealing with this time two months ago, when I was sitting my GCSE exams and preparing to go to prom.

On top of that, I’ve just left Scouts, as you can read about in my last post, which is a big change as I’ve been going to Scouts for the past 8 nearly 9 years of my life. So basically for as long as I remember as I can’t remember much from before I was 7 or 8 years old.

Then finally, perhaps the biggest change of all, is that my sister is leaving for university on Saturday. We’re quite close and get on relatively well so it’s going to be very strange to not have her around 24/7. When she goes away, I think the next time I’ll be able to see her is Christmas. Which feels like years away. What’s more, we don’t have a webcam so we can’t even Skype her to keep in touch. 

I’ve known that she’d be leaving me for the past year or so, but it’s come around so quickly. I feel like I should be making the most of these last few days with her, but I’m just so exhausted from my ever-growing workload and the long days at college to do that, not to mention my mood has been all over the place  lately and the only thing I feel like doing is shoving music in my ears and reading books. Plus I’m still kind of in denial that all of this is actually happening. Like, because I’ve known she’d be leaving for so long, I guess part of me never expected it to actually happen.

It just feels like my life is never going to be the same again. I’m drifting apart from my friends as we meet new people at college and spend less time with eachother, my sister will go off to university and come back as an independent adult and we will never be as close as we are now again, and I don’t even feel like myself anymore or know who I am. 

I guess change can be good, sometimes, but it’s hard to think positively when everything is changing all at once and there’s nothing tethering you down, staying the same, to help guide you through change.

Hope you are all okay! 🙂 

//Teenagers CAN be trusted to make decisions//

Something that I’ve noticed during my teenage years is that a lot of adults tend to doubt our abilities of making sensible decisions for our future. I have been in many situations where I’ve been told that I ‘don’t know what I’m doing’ in certain situations so therefore am not capable of making the right decision or where it is assumed that because I am young I ‘don’t know what I want’ in life yet. I’ve mainly encountered stuff like this at school such as, for example, we had to choose which subjects to take for GCSE and teachers kept getting involved and trying to persuade you take certain subjects and to not take others, depending on what they think is best for you. I had my mind set on taking Triple Science, History, Geography and French but on multiple occasions my friends and teachers were trying to get me take Art. In the end I stuck with my original choices but I soon came to realise that I didn’t like science at all and wished I’d taken art instead. My point is, back then I was only 12 so was very confused about EVERYTHING and my teachers were trying to push me in the direction of science because I was good at it. If they’d just let me, and the rest of my year group, make up our own minds about which subjects we wanted to do for GCSE instead of ‘targeting’ people who were good at certain subjects then I might of ended up not taking Triple Science and doing something like German or Sociology which would have interested me more.

When I reached Year 10 and the time came to start thinking about what we’d do after we’d finished school, we were bombarded with information about all of the local colleges and sixth forms and had various assemblies where representatives from each visited and basically advertised their facilities to us and seemed so determined to get us to go to there college that we left with the impression that unless we went to college xyz we would all do badly and end up with bad jobs. That probably doesn’t make much sense but that’s what it felt like. They were so focused on reminding us to ‘make the right decision’ and stating that their college is ‘best for you’ that a lot of people, my friends included, were torn between various colleges which all promised to be the best place for them. My friend had her heart set on a newly-built STEM college but when she visited for the taster day, it was nothing like it had been advertised to us and she decided to go to a different college. I was kind of the opposite – before going to the taster day for the college I’ve just enrolled in, I really didn’t like the sound of it at all but because it was the only college that did the A Levels I wanted to do, I went to the taster day anyway and ended up really liking it. It’s just frustrating how the various educational establishments were desperate to ensure we made the right decisions that we weren’t allowed to form our own opinions of the places because they didn’t trust us to make such decisions by ourselves.

Another example of when I’ve been considered ‘incapable’ of making important decisions about my future occurred today, as a matter of fact, when I went to enroll in college. For ages my school had told us that we ‘must take 4 A Level course at college’ so I’d decided I wanted to study Geography, History, French and Law. Then when I went to the taster day for college back in July, we were told that we ‘can’t take 4 A Levels’ because it would be ‘too demanding’ with the new linear system, which is fair enough and I wasn’t overly bothered about that because I’d gone off the idea of studying law anyway so decided to just do Geography, French and History. Fast forward a month to yesterday when I got my GCSE results and got way better grades than I’d expected and I still had my mind made up on these three A Levels, despite my teacher trying to persuade me to take A2 Government and Politics as I’d taken the first year of the course this year and got an A. She seemed a bit disappointed when I told her what A Levels I’d be studying at college because she thought I’d do really well if I’d carried on with Government and Politics and it would be good for me (I do kind of want to carry on with this subject because I really enjoyed it but unfortunately the qualification I did was a different exam board to the one the college does and it would be quite complicated to sort out).

Anyway, when I went to college to enroll this morning, first I had to show my GCSE results that I collected yesterday to a member of staff, who happened to be the maths teacher. Firstly, he congratulated me on my results then he asked me which A Levels I wanted to take, to which I answered French, Geography and History. Then after that he looked really annoyed and started going on about how there was a ‘problem’ because I’m apparently wasting my academic ability by not doing four A Levels and that I’d do ‘much better if I did four’ because it would ‘motivate me to work hard’. He asked me why I decided to only take three A Levels and I said it was because I wanted to focus on these three subjects to do as best as I can and that there wasn’t really a fourth I was interested in. He thought that was ‘ridiculous’ and started suggesting a fourth A Level I could take such as English Literature or Maths. I was determined to stand my ground because after all he had literally only just met me and he can’t claim to know what’s ‘best’ for me just by looking at my exam results because no one can be defined by their grades. Yet still he couldn’t accept that I’d thought through all the possibilities and had made up my own mind about what subjects I wanted to take according to what I thought was the right decision to help me get to where I want to be in the future. Eventually he let me go and carry on with my enrollment after bringing a few other members of staff into the conversation and saying ‘you’ll find that you’ll regret not taking four A Levels in a few weeks time when you start college’. I had a massive rant to my friend over texts after this as I had to wait for 45 minutes to submit my bursary application and she reassured me that I’d done the right thing in standing my ground.

That whole experience was enough to put me off enrolling in college all together but luckily the rest of the staff were much more welcoming and understanding. After I’d escaped the wrath of the maths teacher, one member of staff even said to me that she ‘doesn’t blame me for not wanting to do four A Levels’ – THANK YOU.

That just proves that some adults don’t trust teenagers to make the right decisions for our futures because they are ‘older and wiser’ so apparently know what’s best for everyone at first sight. I’m confident that I made the right decision by sticking with just Geography, History and French though as I don’t see the point of taking an extra subject just for the sake of not ‘wasting’ my academic abilities. there wasn’t another subject I really wanted to take anyway and A Levels are hard enough as it is , whether you’re doing a subject you’re interested in or not. I didn’t want to have to spend time working on a subject I don’t really care about, especially not if that meant compromising the amount of time I’d be able to spend on the subjects that are important to me. I suspect this won’t be the end of this ‘problem’ though and that when I actually start college in a few weeks the maths teacher will hunt me down and continue his efforts but at least, for now, I’m doing what I want to be doing.

I just think that the older generation just need to have more faith in teenagers that we know what we are doing with our futures and accept that we’re fully responsible for the outcome. The same goes for giving teenagers responsibilities too. I think we just need to cut teenagers some slack, you know? We have enough to deal what with having to cope with transitioning from a child into an adult and working out where we fit in society without being constantly doubted on our own decisions.

Have you experienced anything similar? Do you think teenagers should be able to be trusted to make their own decisions more freely? Let me know!

//GCSE Results Day Recap//

So as you can probably guess, I didn’t really sleep much last night and the ridiculous heat didn’t help either. BUT I managed to wake up in time – even before my alarm went off for once! I originally thought I was getting my results at 10am but the school changed it to 9:30am so I had to rush out, meet my friends then head over to school for the last time ever eek! 

We didn’t have to listen to a massive speech from the principal this time like we did on results day last year – he just said a few words then let everyone go and collect our envelopes. 

I literally almost got crushed going to get my results because our whole year group (around 250 people) were sat on the tiered seating in the school hall and EVERYONE tried to shove their way down the steps at once to get to the tables where out results were layed out. Once I’d picked up my results I found my friends and we went outside to open them. 

I was extremely nervous about opening my results because I found physics and maths really tough so was expecting to be disappointed but the grades I got were better than I ever could have imagined. All of my friends did really well and passed everything they needed to and I am so proud of them!

What kind of annoyed me though was that as soon as I opened my results and had barely looked at them, let alone let it all sink in, the head of school came over to me saying that she’d been looking for me as I was on her ‘list of high flyers’ (because the teachers get to look at our grades before us she had obviously.already had time to compare everyone’s results) and she was making such a fuss getting the photographer from the local newspaper to take a picture of me and two other girls who got similar results and it was really stressing me out a) because I don’t like being pressured to do things b) because I didn’t even want my photo taken and c) because I hadn’t even had the chance to tell my friends what I’d got before I was whisked off to the photographer.

What’s worse was that I had to have my photo taken with a girl that I’ve never really liked – she is always so arrogant and literally thinks she’s the best at everything. She’s the type of person that is extremely smart and isn’t afraid to let everyone know it or use it to make other people feel bad and inadequate. I really, really can’t stand her. I already knew that I’d have to put up with her for the next two years of college in my a level French class because only around 5-10 people take French so I wouldn’t be able to avoid her. I thought today might have been a chance to kind of move on from secondary school and act more friendly towards each other so it would be less awkward at college but after we had had our photo taken, I turned to her and was about to congratulate her but she was giving me the most horrible glare ever (because obviously she wasn’t happy with the fact that other people had achieved as good results as her). I said to myself ‘so this is how it’s going to be then’ and I just walked off because now I know that we’re never going to be “friends”and she’ll never treat me as an equal and if there is one thing I’ve learnt from secondary school, it’s that you don’t waste time on people who clearly aren’t worth it.

Aside from that, I have had a lovely day celebrating with my friends. Our school hired an ice cream van so we all got free ice creams, chatted to teachers and friends for a bit, then headed to my friend’s house.​

Yum

My friends mum was so happy and excited that when we walked through the door she hugged us and kissed us all on the cheek lol 😂 We spent the rest of the day eating chips from the local fish and chip shop, chatting, playing pool, Irish snap and Monopoly, having pillow/beanbag fights and just generally being really hyper and weird. 
I left my friend’s house at like 5pm and when I got back my mum wasn’t very happy because I’d spent all day out with my friends (even though she knew I was going to do that anyway) and the rest of my family just seem a bit miserable (I think my sister is annoyed because I got higher grades than her and udk what’s up with everyone else). But other than that I’ve had a great day.

I hope everyone else’s exam results were what you were hoping for and remember that all the thousands of facts and statistics and knowledge you gained whilst studying for these exams is worth so much more than just one letter. At the end of the day the aim of school is to leave with more knowledge than you’ve started and the knowledge and skills you take away from school is what’s important and what determines your success. 🙂

The featured image us of a street in Oxford and at the moment I am probably more proud of how that photo turned out than I am of my results. It still hasn’t sunk in and I’ve been in a constant state of shock all day!