//An Abundance of Change//

I’ve never really liked change that much, to tell the truth. So it’s not surprising that I’m finding all the changes in my life that are happening at the moment hard to deal with. 

As you may remember, I finished school back in June and now I have started doing my A Levels, at sixth form college. Having to go to a new college everyday that’s all the way on the otherside of town from my home and my school just doesn’t feel right yet. I’ve surprised myself in that I’ve been coping relatively well with meeting new people but what I’ve been finding hardest is not seeing my friends that I spent every day at school with for the past five years. I mean, I see some of my friends but the majority I hardly see because not only are we doing different subjects, their timetables are the reverse of mine so we are hardly in college at the same time.

Not only have my educational arrangements changed, I’ve also changed over the summer. So have my friends. We’re not the same people we were a few months back and I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or not yet. I’m kind of stuck in this phase of feeling really feminine then not feeling feminine at all which is confusing as heck and not something I thought I’d be dealing with this time two months ago, when I was sitting my GCSE exams and preparing to go to prom.

On top of that, I’ve just left Scouts, as you can read about in my last post, which is a big change as I’ve been going to Scouts for the past 8 nearly 9 years of my life. So basically for as long as I remember as I can’t remember much from before I was 7 or 8 years old.

Then finally, perhaps the biggest change of all, is that my sister is leaving for university on Saturday. We’re quite close and get on relatively well so it’s going to be very strange to not have her around 24/7. When she goes away, I think the next time I’ll be able to see her is Christmas. Which feels like years away. What’s more, we don’t have a webcam so we can’t even Skype her to keep in touch. 

I’ve known that she’d be leaving me for the past year or so, but it’s come around so quickly. I feel like I should be making the most of these last few days with her, but I’m just so exhausted from my ever-growing workload and the long days at college to do that, not to mention my mood has been all over the place  lately and the only thing I feel like doing is shoving music in my ears and reading books. Plus I’m still kind of in denial that all of this is actually happening. Like, because I’ve known she’d be leaving for so long, I guess part of me never expected it to actually happen.

It just feels like my life is never going to be the same again. I’m drifting apart from my friends as we meet new people at college and spend less time with eachother, my sister will go off to university and come back as an independent adult and we will never be as close as we are now again, and I don’t even feel like myself anymore or know who I am. 

I guess change can be good, sometimes, but it’s hard to think positively when everything is changing all at once and there’s nothing tethering you down, staying the same, to help guide you through change.

Hope you are all okay! 🙂 

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Author: Em is Lost

I'm a teenage blogger who loves adventure and the great outdoors. I enjoy blogging about a range of topics including scouting, politics, feminism, world affairs and the life of a teenager in general.

15 thoughts on “//An Abundance of Change//”

  1. It must seem crazy now, but when it comes to school embrace the change! Use it to grow as a person and do the things you want to do, you wont regret it! As for having a sibling go off to college, I have never experienced it so I cannot say much, but I am sure it is heartbreaking and I am so sorry. You guys will always be sisters so just remember she will always be there for you even if she is far away 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

      1. It is hard to adapt to being apart… but there are fun things that come from growing up too! Like getting to visit each other and see their new apartments and such. And if you can try to plan a trip or something with your sister! My little sister and I did that, which never could have happened when we were both living at home, and it was SO FUN. growing up does have some advantages… 😉

        Liked by 1 person

  2. This all sounds so familiar… (except I was the sister going to university, but that didn’t change my fears of my relationship with my sister not being the same) But just know, from someone who thought all the tumultuous friendships and self-seeking would never end, it definitely gets better. Things start to become more stable as you get older. But still allow yourself to mourn the changes. This season of life will pass and though things will be different they will hopefully be BETTER even if that’s hard to see now…and all that being said that doesn’t take away the fact that it is difficult now. And that’s okay. It’s good to admit it rather than in denial. Thanks for your honesty! Wishing you the best!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much. You’re right, everything will become more stable as I grow up. I think I was just too preoccupied with trying to process all these changes to realise that something good will come out of this and I’ll get used to my new life eventually. 🙂 Thank you.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Hi Em,
    Just think this time 3 years ago you were in a completely different place and without change we can’t allow ourselves to meet new people or find things we love. Just think change is learning, and I hope things will be okay for you in the end. Also my sister and I were so close almost like friends and when she moved out and I moved 3 hours away to uni, we still kept in contact, when she comes home you’ll see her, spend time with her and im sure she’s always a phone call away. With your friends, I bet atleast one of them thinks the exact same as you and misses the others in the group, and I bet in the holidays you may meet up but you never know who you’ll meet next and you may very close to someone in the near future. I hope things work out and focus on the positive things in ‘change’ 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That is very true. She will just be a phone call away, you’re right and I guess you’re right about my friends too. Thank you very much and I will definitely try to focus on the positive things about all these changes from now on. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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