I’m not okay.
I’ve known this for a while now – I haven’t been ‘okay’ for a long time. I’m not really sure what okay feels like right now, but I know this isn’t it.
I’ve always struggled with telling myself, and accepting, that I’m not alright and that it’s okay for me to not be alright, so that’s what I’m doing now. I’m not really sure what to do about it at the moment – I’ve tried taking a break from the internet; I’ve tried taking a break from real life. Nothing really made much of a difference.
From the outside, I might look like I’m fine – I’m quite good at doing that – but really that’s not the case.
I haven’t entirely got my head around everything that has happened in the past few months – I’ve said multiple times that it still feels like March to me because I guess the stress of exams was so overpowering that it was as if time stood still for a few months. And now here I am trying to process everything which happened in between. I’m a bit stuck, really, it feels like there are 1,000,000,000,000 problems rattling round inside my head and I can’t even find a solution for one of them, mainly because I’ve got into a habit of overthinking everything until something becomes 100x worse than it actually is.
I’ve become a bit of a perfectionist when it comes to blogging, so I’ll probably end up deleting this in a few hours – I didn’t want to write this but I have a habit of bottling everything up and I feel like it’s time to stop doing that and even if I don’t write down every little detail here (because who would want to read that?), this is a start.
I just want you all to know, that it is certainly, definitely okay to not be okay. We’re only human, after all, and the fact that we don’t feel okay all the time quite frankly just proves that. Life is full of ups and downs, we all know that. I know one day that I’ll be okay again. I don’t know when that will be or how I will get there, but I’ve made it this far and I’m not giving up. ❤