//Discovering sexuality//

I made a voice recording so you can listen to me say all of this here if you want!


Growing up, me and sexuality have had a pretty distant relationship. I mean, for over 10 years I lived without knowledge of it’s existence.

At my Primary School, the whole ‘straight until proven otherwise’ thing was taken to such an extreme that I left that school, at the age of 11, not even knowing that non-heterosexual relationships were even possible. How ridiculous is that?

Anyway, it was when I started secondary school that I first discovered that sexuality was an actual thing, unfortunately due to bullying. Not only did me and my best friend – who also happened to be female – have a sexuality incorrectly enforced upon us, we then had to endure bullying because of our ‘sexuality’. When the bullies decided to grow up and that homophobia wasn’t ‘cool’ anymore, we didn’t even get an apology and had to listen to their false claims of ‘not being homophobic’ knowing full well that they were – or at least had been.

Despite this time in my life being rather unpleasant, I guess it did have some benefits, as it made me aware that sexuality existed and that there are many different sexualities. Since then, I’ve been on a long and confusing journey of trying to discover my sexuality.

Personally, I view sexuality as being a spectrum and you can be anywhere on that spectrum and that’s fine. Although labels can help some people to identify themselves and pinpoint their position on that spectrum, I personally don’t want to label myself with a particular sexuality as I know I’m not 100% sure what my sexuality actually is. One thing I do know is that I am predominantly interested in boys. However over the past year or so, I have started to become interested in girls too. I mean, I get crushes on girls as often as I do guys. What I don’t know is whether these crushes are ACTUAL I-want-to-be-in-a-relationship-with-you crushes, or just general, spur of the moment feelings towards girls. Therefore although I don’t think I am entirely heterosexual, I don’t think I’m bisexual either.

At the moment it feels as if I am just drifting around, not really knowing what direction I am heading in or what path I should follow. But I’m fine with that because I know that one day I will discover my true sexuality and until then, I’ll just have to keep wandering.

 

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Author: Em is Lost

I'm a teenage blogger who loves adventure and the great outdoors. I enjoy blogging about a range of topics including scouting, politics, feminism, world affairs and the life of a teenager in general.

20 thoughts on “//Discovering sexuality//”

  1. I love this post Em! I love the idea that sexuality is on a spectrum, I’ve never thought about it like that before. This is so great, you always write about interesting and thoughtful topics, I wish I could do that just as well as you. x

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much, it means a lot. xx I never really thought of it as a spectrum until a few weeks back, it makes a lot more sense to me that way. (Btw it’s exactly a month until the Catfish and the Bottlemen concert now – I am crazily excited and their new album came out yayayayayay!!!!)

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I admire you. Simple as that. Thank you SO SO much for making this; it’s amazing and people NEED to talk about it. In fact, you’ve jinspired me – next voice recording I do, can I talk about this? I’ll link you as my inspiration 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Aw thank you! Yeah I’ve never really talked about sexuality with my family and friends before because it’s a topic we seem to just…avoid? Yes feel free to do so! Also ‘jinspired’ – new word for ‘just inspired’ haha. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Oh DAMN my computer keeps on jamming (that’s why there are weird spelling mistakes like jinspired haha) – and I know a little of what you mean. Before, I used to never be able to talk to my friends about this kind of thing

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Yeah, like you I didn’t know there was anything other than being straight until I went to secondary school. (Or, I don’t know, I didn’t really consider it.) (I was that person who responded ‘…but I don’t have to’ when people asked me which boy I would kiss if I did.) People started making a lot of homophobic jokes in like Year 7, but now it’s basically okay…? I am terrible at labels, but I know I’m definitely not straight haha. I agree with you about the spectrum thing — like, there are things I know but I don’t know what that means or exactly where I fit. OVERALL YES lots of good things here! And I really hope that someday there doesn’t have to be a whole revelation that other identities actually exist. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. wow, i loved this post! your insight was beautifully written and now i feel like i’ve been missing out in not following you before! keep on keeping on. xxx abi

    Liked by 1 person

  5. My little precious squish, bless ❤ Remember that I am always here to chat if you need any advice (or just to let out all your thoughts). I do agree though, you definitely don't have to pick a label if you don't feel comfortable with any! You be you, and love who you love, and I will love you to bits

    Liked by 1 person

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