Being part of the blogosphere has been amazing and I can’t belive it’s taken me almost a whole year to realise what a bunch of inspirational people you guys are. You guys are not afraid to share your opinion, to get your voice heard. Not afraid of what others may think. Not like me, anyway. Well, through blogging I do try to do those things, to not ‘care’ about what people think, but in the back of my mind I guess I’m constantly thinking that someone is going to take offence at my opinions or criticise me. Even though I know how lovely you giys are, I still keep thinking that. But not any longer.
For too long I’ve been holding myself back for fear of being judged. There are so many things I’ve stopped myself doing just because I’m worried people will laugh at me and make fun of me.
I don’t want to be that person anymore. I don’t want to be that person who just shows up and blends in – I want to be an inspiration to others and the only way of doing that is to stop caring what others think of me.
For example I volunteer at Cub Scouts once a week and have done so for the past two years but I seem to avoid every opportunity I have there to put myself forward (mainly because I like tobe organised and mentally prepared before hand, not just thrown in to stuff on the spot). However, I’m fed up of this. Scouting is meant to be and has always been fun for me but lately I’ve been to busy worrying about the impression I give if myself than actually enjoying myself. I mean, who cares if I make a fool of myself by stuttering when I speak when I’m put on the spot? They’ll probably forget about it in about 10 minutes anyway.
I’m fed up of feeling like I have to told how to do everything instead of using my instinct for fear of getting it wrong. I want to be indepedent so I need to stop caring what people think.
I want to make a difference to the kids who come to Cubs lives, I want to be an inspiration ti them but quite frankly I am nothing more than someone who just lurks in the background at the moment.
My mum, for instance, is a huge inspiration for me. She, like me, is quiet and reserved yet she made the decision a few years ago to take over complete responsibility for the Cub pack because it was at risk of closing due to lack of leaders. Since then, she has never failed to run a Cub Scout meeting – even if she is ill, she has sorted out all of the Cub’s badge records which were in a mess, she has recruifed two new leaders, orgainsed camps and sleepovers, run lots of activities and, most importantly, interacted and got to know the kids very well.
She is truly my inspiration. Although she is shy and quiet like me, she has good self confidence and has complete respect from every single one of the Cubs.
My mum is my role model, so I hope one day I can be a role model to the young people too.
But first, I need to stop caring what people think – whether it is people at school, strangers in the street or people in Scouting. None of their opinions matter as long as I stay true to who I am and am proud of what I do.
Right, starting now, I no longer care what anyone thinks of me and the things I love.